I know a guy at the casino who won’t gamble. He just watches the games and makes mental bets. Last week, he lost his mind.
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The wife of a doctor rang the casino to get her husband paged. They refused. The house didn’t make doctor calls.
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At the casino I lost so badly I had to sell the car in the car park. The people at Hertz are going to be really angry.
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I’m going to the casino tonight. I hope I break even. I need the money.
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Crown Casino in Melbourne is very “high-tech”. They’ve got special areas, like the Oak Room and thew Mahogany Room. Alice Springs Casino, on the other hand, is a little more basic. They’ve got the Chipboard Room and the Corrugated Iron Room.
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In Vegas, they’ll bet on anything. One casino was ready to let me bet on whether I’d win or lose there.
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Launceston must have the quietest casino in the world. I played poker. It was what I had to do wake up the dealer.
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As I walked in the casino, I passed some Siamese twins on their way out. I said, “Did you win?”
They said, “Yes and no.”
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I had nothing to do, so just for a laugh I went to the casino. In three hours I’d laughed away my car.
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The dealers at Sydney’s casino really hate you winning. I won $100 at roulette and the croupier said, “I’ll toss you, double or nothing.”
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I walked around the casino with a pocket full of chips. I’m still trying to get the smell of vinegar out of my trousers.
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The casino in Alice Springs is a bit backward. They don’t even have Keno. Instead, they’ve got as girl who comes up to your table and says, “Okay, I’m thinking of a number between one and ten…”
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With gamblers, they say a fool and his money are soon parted. What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
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I think gambling was invented as a tax on people who are bad at mathematics.
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I think gambling is a great way to get nothing for something.
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'What'll you have, Normie?'
'Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.'
'Looks like beer, Norm.'
'Call me Mister Lucky.'
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Rodney Dangerfield joined Gamblers Anonymous. They gave him three-to-one he wouldn't make it.